An earphone plug

Comments on Comments II: Time to Kill

Before you read any further, I’d like you to know that a good ninety percent of my phone’s photos are either porn screencaps or the sad little drawings that I post to this blog for your amusement. If the police seized my phone they would have me institutionalized, but at least in a padded cell they might feed me enough pills to stop the macaques that run my brain from repeatedly trying to ram the star-shaped block through the square hole.

THAT’S NOT THE BLOCK THAT GOES THERE YOU FUCKERS. THERE IS A SIX SIDE DISCREPENCY BETWEEN THE SHAPES YOU ARE CONFUSING. NO. CHEWING ON THE BLOCK BETWEEN TRIES IS NOT HELPING.

Anyway, sexual intercourse right? Boy, that sure is a weird thing that we normal, perfectly sane people do. More importantly, it’s something the strange people of the internet like to talk about. In my travels I’ve found that Pornhub comments are much like Facebook comments in that people often don’t have a central thesis before they start punching keys with their fingers. But instead of saying nothing by typing “haha”, here in the smut valley “that’s sexy” or “so hot” are the go to’s when you have nothing to say but you want to feel important to the conversation.  You take a look while I check back in on the macaques.

NO. YOU PUT THAT DOWN. THAT IS THE SAME BLOCK YOU JUST HAD YOU SON OF A BITCH…

Porn Comments

Not to brag about how good at the sex I am, but I happen to know that ladyfemales love it when you tounge them.

Porn comments

I am going to lie. I browse this site to learn.

Porn comments

This poor soul just wants to unwind after his AP Asiatic History test, but he has so much Djinghis Khan on the brain that it spread to his loins. He’s using the Turkish pronunciation of Genghis to.. wait a minute… did I just learn?

I feel dirty.

Porn Comment

Well actual Mr. Dolob, the nineties were a hotbed of socioeconomic shifting in the ethnic landscape of American culture as we know it. In fact…

Porn Comment

Thanks for the update, Anderson Cooper. As long as you feel this way on pornhub and not Nick Jr.’s website nobody gives a fuck.

Porn Comment

I’ve heard that “The Bridge On the River Kwai” is also worth a viewing. Just tossing out ideas.

Porn Comments

UNPLOAD
verb (used without object)
1. To contract with extreme force and noise
2. The opposite of EXPLOAD

Porn Comment

Hey, harley car guy, not to be a stickler, but a Harley is a type of motorcycle.

Porn Comment

Well, on the bright side, if this “Angels on Fire” fellow renders your breaks nonfunctional you can go to Harley Car guy for repairs. He might fix your windshield instead, but that’s how craigslist works.

Porn Comment

Listen here, you fuck, I’ve been putting strange thoughts in people’s heads for over 23 years. And then one day I see you bring this weak-ass contrived shit to the game?! Sit down, little boy. Let the adults fuck with strangers’ heads.

Try less.

Porn Comments

I don’t feel safe on this site anymore.

Porn Comment

I think every time I leave a room from now on I’m going to sign out with,  “RIDER!”

Priest: “Sir, you can’t leave, I have yet to even begin the eulogy.”

Me: “tiem 2 fuck and holler at my goo guys. RIDER!!”

Priest:”Was… was that man wearing a Nickleback jersey?”

Porn Comment

Good for you. Stay away from my home.

Porn Comment

You’re right, there is something naughty, but I just can’t put my finger on it. Was it the part where she said “Blondes have more fun”? Maybe the part where that guy winked? Maybe the part where he vigorously penetrated the two women in a public park? I’m really wracking my brain here…

Porn Comment

Either TGIFridays has bukowski’s services on retainer, or he’s seriously on to something and we should all be taking notes.

Porn Comment

Nice of Justin to take time out of his busy schedule. A gentlemen among asses.

Porn Comments

7 whole likes for the word “wow”? I lovingly craft my Facebook statuses. I check and recheck the wording. I think very hard about whether or not they will add insight or humor to people’s lives. I get 6 likes.

Fuck everything.

Porn Comments

Melissa: Hey Becky, how was sex with that guy last night?

Becky: Really good, actually.  I wrote home about it.

Melissa: Nice! Did you use your monogrammed stationary?

Becky: It wasn’t that good.

1000 video limit

There is a video favoriting limit on this site.
It is 1000.
This man has reached that limit.
“Tongue up her ass-itis” is not listed in the WebMD database.

Porn comments

I suppose everyone has to extract their own little joys from life, but I’d like point out that there was a morning in this amateur pornographer’s life where she sleepily rolled over in her bed, checked the video comments on her smartphone, saw this man’s joyous anticipation of an upcoming video of her urinating on someone or something and thought “You like me! You really like me!”

Life is as magical as it is covered in semen.

Porn Comments

You’re goddamn right, you do.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s