A seatbelt being insterted

Comments On Comments III: Heightened Awareness

It’s been fourteen months since I last did this segment, a little over a year, and that means one important thing: So very many comments.A screencapA ScreencaptureA screencapture

You haven’t truly felt your life spiral into internet nihilism until you spend a large portion of your day sifting through the vile comments you’ve collected from a pornography website. I have specific categories now. The number above isn’t even counting the screencaps in this post, or the months I spent not collecting because I thought I’d never pick this thread up again. And the whole reason I stopped to begin with is because it’s substantially less amusing once you learn to speak broken English and understand the inside jokes.

Anyway, in that fourteen months the community has become self aware, too main stream and friendly, or as this man says…

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You can still expect to find dick-size arguments between men who refuse to show proof, but they’ve grown fewer and farther in between. So for everybody’s amusement, including my own, I’ve decided to select chiefly the comments that show zero self-awareness or forethought. The following comments met my rigorous standards.

 

 

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Oh, thank God. Daddy is present. HR was really worried there for a second.

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j_tamang is also here. Now we almost have enough to field a slow pitch softball team. Anyone else?

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Clear eyes. Full heart. Can’t lose.

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So true. It’s not the superficial boobs on the outside that men are concerned with, it’s the boobs on the inside that really count.

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Dedication to your dental health is of the utmost importance in any profession, from receptionist to crab fisherman. But only this gentleman seems to understand that.

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I stand corrected. Also, did I just accidentally learn again? I feel like I’m just as likely to gain knowledge here than I am on the History channel these days.

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If I’ve learned anything from the internet, it’s not to rule out the possibility that the first gentlemen genuinely has American currency lodged in his rectum, and the second might actually be trying to help.

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Tweety Bird is that you? I’d like to buy a vowel. Also an “H”. You know what? Fuck it, I’d like to solve the puzzle while I’m at it.

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YOU DON’T SAY!

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I’m all for a spirited discussion of what it is to experience the human condition, but can you not bring up the void while I have my dick in my hand?

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No.

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I bet you will not.

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This is the shittiest business proposition I’ve ever heard.

Interviewer: Thanks for coming in to chat, do you have any experience driving big rigs?

Moonman: None at all

Interviewer: Wait, can you even drive a car?

Moonman: No 😉

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This man is either using a slang term I don’t understand, or he has a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.

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Unbelieveable. And in a world where Burger King is legally allowed to advertise their product as ‘food’, too! When will the lies end?

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I trust this man 100% to not give my computer a virus of any kind. Also, fuck Nick Young.

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This is not funny to me. This man is onto some next level shit and I refuse to knock that hustle.

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Why is “table” in quotations like that? I don’t trust you at all.

420: Just sit on that “chair” over there.

Me: Sir, you have pointed at an alligator.

420: That is a chair.

Me: It seems pissed.

420: No, it’s a chair.

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Is your multi-holed intercourse the method of transport by which you’re getting to the moon and back? Are you going to have intercourse at every point in between here and the moon? Explain.

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Taxation is theft.

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There is nothing more erotic than removing the excess wool from a swarthy relative so that he doesn’t overheat in the coming summer. Invite a friend whenever possible.

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In that she’ll take considerable facial trauma on film for cash? Yeah. That checks out.

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If chivalry is dead then explain this, Cosmo.

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This has got to be the most 2016 comment I’ve ever found on this site.

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Wait. Never mind. Found it.

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YEAH! I MEMBER!

 

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